Why?

WHY........

am i here?

is there so much suffering?

do i feel my phone vibrate when it doesn't?

are you friends with me?

can't you see what I'm asking you for?

can't I sleep!?

was the Scarecrow Dorthy's favorite?

did we fall out?

did I care for you so much?

are there so many questions that will never be answered?

are raisins called raisins if they are only dried grapes, couldn't we call them dried grapes?

did I do that?

am I mean to you?

do you not understand?

do hot dogs come ten to a package and hot dog buns only eight?

don't my dreams come true?

do I wake up and wonder what's stopping me from being happy today?

do I question everything I do?

do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

can't I just be myself?

does it hurt?

do I continue with the smile, when there is nothing to smile about?

does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?

are you reading this?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Moritz Stiefel.

Awful sweet to be a little butterfly

just winging over things

and nothing deep inside.

Nothing going going wild in you,

you know,

you're slowing by the riverside

or floating high and blue.

Or maybe cool

to be a little summer wind

like once through everything

and then away again.

With the taste of dust

in your mouth all day

but no need to know

like sadness

you just sail away.

Cause you know,

I don't do sadness

not even a little bit.

Just don't need it in my life

don't want any part of it.

I don't do sadness,

hey I've done my time

looking back on it all

man it blows my mind,

I don't do sadness

so been there.

Don't do sadness

just don't care.

Who am i?

I am...

a music enthusiasttttt.

an extremely bad speller.

slightly neurotic.

uncertain about most things, however that doesn't stop me from strongly believing in them.

pretty selfish.

constantly thinking and wondering and imagining.

so scared of the future, yet i am still willing to embrace it.

wondering how you are still reading this.

in lalaLand. (in case you were wondering its the third star to the right and straight on till dawn. next to neverland)

extremely immature.

constantly trying to find myself through thought and experimentation and asking questions.

a passive anarchist.

clearly an oxymoron

someone who lacks drive

totally confused by life and my purpose.

ready to make my difference.

your best friend but probably your biggest mistake.

human.

equal.

trying to be someone in hopes that one day that someone will be me.

happy, most days.

almost finished.

extremely judgmental but never judging.

ready for something, but i dont know what.

always going to keep the smile.

=]

fifty.

Apathetic, Impassive, Musical, Verbal, Indecisive, Loquacious, Opsimath, Annoying, Ditz, Evil, Sinister,Horny, Psychotic, Sadistic, Enthused, Insouciant, Social, Shy, Uncertain, Selfish, Happy, Unsatisfied, Outrageous, Lame, Clumsy, Geek, Dork, Mold-able, Foudroyant, Peaceful, Energetic, Neologist, Lazy, Sloth, Impressionable, Quidnunc, Human, Amusing, Imaginative, Charismatic, Obnoxious, ADD, Dramatic, Worrisome, Impatient, Masochistic, Crazy, Apolaustic, Wild, Unpredictable

There are many things that cause a broken heart but the ultimate thing is yourself.

The times they are a changin'

Change. Ive always been one to avoid it. But this year It's my time to begin to embrace it. Im not the same person I once was, nor should I be.

Ive lost some people and gained some people, but overall I still feel my choices were right.

So breathe. and keep on growing. and most importantly ashley, keep the smile =]

New Beginning

So... i missed the countdown to my birthday(not really a surprise lol) It was wonderful for anyone who wondered. I took a break from blogging but I'm ready to start it back up.

2010. im ready

Countdown to 19: Day 14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23

WOW. ten day break sorrrrry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A lesson learned: Leave in the present and think about the future. In order to grow we must take our past learn from it and move. dont let anything hold you back.

Memory of the day: Breaking out into "Dont Stop Believin" in the green room :DDDDD

Countdown to 19: Day 12 & 13

A lesson learned: This are only as bad as you make them out to be. Take a look at the situation, realize it wont kill you and find something to smile about. After all what is life without a smile.

Memory of the day: Sophomore year photo class. Jessica, Hillary and I were playing spoons and it took Stegsss 40 mins to realize we were by the time she took away the cards the class was practically over. =]

Countdown to 19: Day 10 & 11

A lesson learned: Be happy with what you have, when you ask for more things just get fucked up.

Memory of the day: Last night... chez = dancing & singing. a much needed night of laughter. i love u jess and chez!

Countdown to 19: Day 5,6,7,8,& 9

A lesson learned: Never promise to post daily during finals week :)

Memory of the day: 30 hour famine, my sophomore year of high school...watching rent and getting out of my shell. I think that was when i truly opened up and it still remains one of my favorite experiences of my life :D

Countdown to 19: Day 4

A Lesson Learned: No one can force you to do something you are not willing to do.

If you have the strength and the conviction, and if you believe in yourself, you can make it through anything without backing down on your beliefs.

Memory of the day: My friend Tyler was having a toga party. So two of my friends and I got ready at one of their houses. When we went to get into the car...a funnier sight could not be seen. We were tripping and slightly stripping. But wow. That was fun :)

Countdown to 19: Day 3

A lesson learned: Treasure your past.

It helped make you who you are today, and there are always those special memories that make life a little easier :)

Memory of the day: Cashews! One word which shall scar me forever aha! My friend and I were listening to some Dane Cook, cracking up hysterically, until..... he started talking about this "activity" involving cashews. We were scarred for life and well lets just say ...neither of us eat cashews anymore.

Countdown to 19: Day 2

A Lesson Learned: Live for the moment. Life is unpredictable...its probably the best thing about it. So remember to not always take life so seriously, and when hardships arise remember to KEEP THE SMILE. :)

Memory of the day: Junior year, my friends Sarah, Julia, Lori, Jessica and I sat together at lunch. One day we met this random kid he walked up to our table. We named him 90's. Jessica and I had been talking about the 90's when this kid came up and said oh yeah i love it too and walked away. Well when he came back the first thing he said was .... "You weren't talking about gay porn were you?" So where ever you are today 90's know that for half a year you made me smile =]

Countdown to 19: Day 1

A lesson learned: Never under appreciate yourself. You are incredible and unique and no one can replace you. And most importantly there is someone who you mean the world to, no matter what you think.

And to those "nice guys" don't give up hope... because you are unbelievable.

Memory of the day: Senior year. lunchtime. i love my friends and breaking out into songs of spongebob with them. ( sweet victory :] )

The 18th year.

So 1 month left before the end of my 18th year.

Each day of December and leading up to my birthday, as I drawer closer and closer to the age of 19, I will share a lesson that I have learned in my 18 years and a memory that will last me a lifetime.

Life Lessons (Nov)

The cloud may block the sunshine, but it passes.

Never try to change a person. Embrace them for what they are and be thankful they are in your life, because if its something you really cant stand then they probably shouldn't be in your life.

Donate. There is no better feeling then the feeling that you made a difference in another's life.

The cleaner your room, the cleaner your mind.

Never let your friends ,who make you get out of bed in the morning and face the world, go.

Always find something to be thankful for.

Go to bed at a reasonable hour.

Trust your gut instinct, when has that feeling ever led you astray?

Never AND I MEAN NEVERRRRRRRR google VAGINA DENTATA!

PINEAPPLE is ALWAYS a good thing :] (chezzzzz)

Thought 12: Life is serious?

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out of it alive.

WTFoto of the day

LMAO.

Thought 11: Along for the ride...

After a somewhat melancholy day trying to figure out the point of my life a great friend gave me some good advice....

10:54pmAshley

do you really think that

10:55pmTyler

idk. if we knew our purpose in life, would we try and achieve those things that make us happy but isnt our purpose

Tyler is right. maybe the real purpose of life is just to enjoy the little things( it seems stupid of me to not realize this sooner, but i have heard it in so many movies and tv shows that it seems as implausible as a happy ending) But there it is ...the little things, the simple things that bring joy in life because life is a ride and a fast one at that. People get on and off and eventually its over, so why worry about one solitary purpose? Perhaps the real purpose is to sit back and enjoy the ride.(and if you're really lucky you have some amazing friends sitting right next to you to hold your hand through the distressing bumps.)